Something Missing
by Somewhere-Out-Here
Summary: Sequel to 'First'. This story is out of Peeta's POV and he tells whats like to love Katniss in good and in bad times, after their first time. But there are still a few things missing in their relationship. Set before epilogue. Rated M


**Hey there! This is me again, after a short writing break. :D I am back now and this is the sequel of my first Hunger Games story called 'First'. This time the whole thing is out of Peeta's point of view and how it is to love the famous girl on fire. It shows, that although everything seemed too turned out just right, there might still be a few things missing. Setting is still before the epilogue.  
Rating: M **

**Warnings: Some adult situations, a drunk Haymitch, even eviler geese, twisted grammar**

**Disclaimer: HG still belongs to Susan Collins. **

1. The Leg

Starting a new life is difficult. Especially if everything you know has changed or lost forever. And you aren't the same, too.

It starts with your home. You go out on the streets, just for a walk and take a look around. Where once trees were. are only hills of ash, debris and earth. And where once a private garden was, is now a young tree, which is going to grow in the next years. Where once buildings were, are now others, bigger or smaller or in another color.

You go to the school, where you knew every teacher, hated especially those who taught you math or how to build a mine shaft and liked those who let you sleep during lessons. You knew your friends, those who were in the older and younger classes. You knew even the person who cooked the meals during the break. But when you take now during your walk a break at the fence of this new school building, everything is different. There are now children, which you have never seen before and most likely you will never know them. The math teacher is now another, just like the person in the canteen.

It doesn't take long to look away, since this isn't familiar to you and you go on walking, down the street, where the shops were. But those are new buildings, with new shop owners and also new customers. Even the local bakery is in different hands and you ask yourself, where the good, friendly guy went, who sold you fresh bread and asked you about your day.

Only the way back home may be the same, knowing that new neighbors will await you. And even if you stand in front of the door, which still is painted in the same color when you left, you know that inside are waiting even more changes, just like all around you. The primrose bushes at the side of the house or the annoying honking of geese are the best proofs for it.

Inside of your home isn't the family you once knew. This one is long gone and can only brought back in mind, while their bodies rest under the earth somewhere in the meadow. No, when you step now over the threshold you find your new family, smaller but still loving.

Loving although you are the one, who changed, too. Even if war made out of you something you always feared in your nightmares. A toy of politics, planning to let you destroy everything with your own hands. You became a monster and couldn't do anything against it.

But even monsters can change, but only if someone takes their hands and leads them. And sometimes this monster, dangerous for the other, has to lead them, too, because it knows a way of surviving. And you _can't_ survive on your own, no matter how much you want to.

I am still a monster, no matter how much Katniss says different. I am still very often at the verge of losing my mind, stumbling right into a flashback. It's like the ocean and if you can't swim you are lost. And my only way of surviving is holding onto something, a thin lifeline, which will pull me back to the shore. But I am always afraid to strain this lifeline even more, until it will tear. And my line is Katniss.

But I feel saver now, because when I fall now, I won't fall too deep. It took me some time to go this far, to heal this far. And it wouldn't have been possible without her.

We showed each other a way into a brighter future. It took us some time, just like it took some time to rebuild District 12. But now, together, nearly everything feels just like it has to be like this. And realizing this meant crossing many milestones on the way.

Being friends again, with everything like smiling, hugging and comforting was an easy step. It wasn't something we were uncomfortable with, since it was natural, ever since our undefinable relationship started. Those things were always for us, even when the whole nation of Panem was watching us and even when there weren't cameras around.

But taking the next step, into a real relationship was different. First we had to learn that doubt can break the other more, than we could ever realize. But we had also to learn that we should trust each other, since we chose each other above everything else.

Even when we were in a relationship it took us some time to behave like we were. Asking from Katniss to kiss me seemed wrong and I was afraid of her reaction. I was always afraid that she would reject kissing, which meant breaking that relationship we built together. But with each passing day my desire of feeling her lips again got worse. And my mind always told me to take slow steps. Everything too drastic could have brought a flashback to the surface.

I still don't know if it was a childish idea to ask her to kiss me via frosting on a cookie. Yet, every time I recall Katniss' reaction, I tell myself that I did everything right. Kissing Katniss now feels even better, knowing that everything she does isn't for some audience, for Snow or sponsors. No. Every kiss we share is only for us.

With every shared kiss I had the longing to tell her my feelings, again. I know that I have loved her every day since I can remember, although hijacking tried to push those feelings out of my mind. But they were always there, as if they were just asleep throughout the war and Katniss was the only one who could wake them up, again. And she did, without realizing it.

At the moment I wanted to tell her, it felt just perfect when we were in the forest, at the lake and with that a special place for her. It didn't matter to me, how she would react, what she would say, if she would even say something. She had already told me that she chose me, _her boy with the bread._ But I wanted her to know my feelings.

But they came out totally wrong, and maybe it was the worst moment, which I had chosen. It is still like a blur, caught somewhere between reality and flashback. The one moment we were kissing, like we never had before and with all those hormones and the lust and longing in it I told her that I wanted to sleep with her. The flashback after my words was short and I think she never noticed it.

Yes, I had dreams with Katniss underneath me, screaming my name in pleasure, ever since I was a hormone-driven, pubescent teenage boy. And while sleeping with her in one bed often gave me some surprising surprises at the morning, I had to finish myself of, once in a while. Well, until she noticed my erection, which not only let me know that I got those during night, but also that she was _very_ aware of them. I still cringe when I remember that embarrassing talk after that night, although she seemed quiet relaxed the whole time. Which makes me think, that the might have noticed my erections before.

But I have never seen sex just as fun. Of course my brothers had told me, what it was like and how the please a woman and all those things about special parts at mine and their bodies, but I always try to banish these moments far, far away.

For me, it had to be special and it had to be with a special, not random, girl. And my special girl was always Katniss.

After what felt like a short break in our relationship, we had a few talks. I always took special care that she understood that sex was for both of us, not for only me and finally, I told her I love her. She didn't return those words at the moment I spoke them, but I knew, even without words that she had a mutual feeling towards me.

And then, at the night when we made love the first time, she finally returned my feelings. Although Katniss didn't say these three little words on her own, I knew it. I knew it all the time and when she said she was ready for the next step, sharing her body and her soul, I knew I had to ask her.

This night was the most perfect and the worst night, we ever had. Perfect because Katniss confessed her feelings for me. I always smile, when I remember this moment and my mind replays this one word over and over again. "Real." But on the other hand, when I remember this night, it makes my stomach twist, since I hurt her. Yes, it was our first night and I knew that Katniss would feel some pain, but I never thought it could be that bad, as it was. She still tells me, that it was perfect, but it's hard to believe. I never wanted to hurt her again, ever since I nearly strangled her to death.

But Katniss tells me, that each other time we shared was perfect to. And they were even better, far from words she could describe. I know what she means. Each time is better than I could ever describe it.

I like it especially when she has an orgasm. I like to make her feel that good, particularly when I am the one who makes her feel like that. When I watch her, naked, her face awash with pleasure, her eyes closed and her lips parted while moaning my name, it's always when I tumble over the edge and let myself fall. I know she likes these moments, too, when her walls are contracting around me, while I blow my load into her, or at least into the condom.

I can't even tell which moments are the best during our lovemaking. I think it's all the same.

Foreplay feels natural now, with the experience we didn't only gathered about the other's body, but also about our own. I know each of Katniss' special places. Which one make her sigh happily, which ones make a moan and which provoke a lustful and longing desire inside of her. I know the spots at her body, which make her want me at once and which once I have to touch to make her scream my name during sex. I even found some spots which make a giggle slightly, since she is ticklish there. And she knows equal places on my body, too.

Sex is beyond words. It can be slow and loving, but also fast and hard. It depends on how we are feeling. I especially try to alter it for Katniss. When something made a melancholic and she needs me for comfort its always slow, filled with words of love. During those times I can see sometimes tears on her cheek, which I kiss away. I am gentle to her, giving her soft kisses, not more than small pecks all the time. And she always smiles after those times. And that's my aim. And when we had a good day together, filled with lots of smiles and laughter, without nightmares in the previous night and flashbacks during the day, sex is a lot hastier, but not less meaningless.

I even love those moments after sex, when everything stopped spinning and the energy is slowly returning to my body. I like the way how Katniss' and mine bodies are pressed together, sweaty but satisfied. It's always nice when I feel her stroking softly my back, or chest or arm and I always shiver when she kisses me softly, not matter where and no matter how long. We don't speak during the aftermath of sex. We just listen to each other's breathing or to each other heart beats. After those moments it's always hard to pull away and roll on the other side of the bed. Well, it happened once or twice that I was so tiered after our lovemaking that I slept on top Katniss. But I think it didn't bother her. She even told me, that it feels like we are one, during these moments. And I know what she means.

It's like we are breathing together. Like our hearts are beating as one. We are moving as one. We _are_ one.

I kiss Katniss shoulder softly and she mumbles something in her sleep. I think, I have listened to her breathing long enough. I smile, before I push myself up to look over her shoulder to see the clock on her bedside table. I sigh, when I see that the alarm will go on in five minutes. It's still dark outside, but bread can't bake on its own and District 12 is waiting or its local baker.

The first few months I felt bad. When the alarm went on, it didn't only woke me in a godless time of night, but also Katniss, which is far too early for her, even when she is going to hunt. The only good thing by waking up together this early were a few minutes of cuddling and kissing, before I leave the bed and let her sleep, again. But the more time passes the more I get used to my early rising time and so I wake even before the alarm starts. I don't even know why I still set it, maybe just for reassurance.

I kiss her shoulder again and stand up, going around the bed to shut it off, before I walk towards the closet to get some fresh cloths. While I search for shirt to wear, I note that Katniss is always the one who washes all of our cloths, putting them neatly together and that each day. I think I have to thank her somehow for it. By the way, I have to thank her for so many thinks, since she is always doing the household, before and after she went hunting. I only help, when I have a free day.

I go quietly to the bathroom, close the door softly behind myself and turn the lights on. After that I take a shower, first a very cold one, since thinking about Katniss and sex half the night made me quite excited. After that I turn the water warm to get the sleep and tiredness out of my bones. It's relaxing, but the longer I stand under the warm spray, the more awake I get.

When I want to step outside of the shower, I slip, just slightly and I can hold myself up. But _something_ turns in a bad way and my leg begins to hurt. I look down, to see my prosthetic, its metallic foot pointing a little too far to the right. Turning in this angle means that the place where it's connected with my leg, is rubbing to hard against the metal, causing a sharp pain going up my leg. I curse silently under my breath, before I sit on the rim of the bathtub, still wet and naked.

I open the latch that holds my artificial leg where it belongs and take it in my hands, leaving the stump free. I look at it for a moment, wondering what it was like to stand with both feet on the ground, and not only with one.

I feel the soft skin of where my leg stops. Then I sigh, before I lay the prostatic on the bathtub rim, next to me, before I stand with wobbly legs and make my way carefully to the sink. In a drawer next to it, I find an ointment for it, which Doctor Aurelius gave to me. It helps to soothe the pain, if there is some.

But while I balance myself at the sink, I take a look in the mirror. I am glad that it's reflection can only show my face and a part of my upper body. I am sure that I look helpless, with only one foot, trying to stand on the other.

That may be the reason, why I don't want Katniss to see me like this. In she will only see a vulnerable, weak and incomplete man. I even think she will find it disgusting, to see the stump of my leg. I can't stand it, either. It makes me feel like I am less worth Katniss and my prosthetic makes me always think that she deserved something better, somebody who is complete, without failures. That is one of those very few reasons why I think that she should have chosen Gale over me.

But she said she loved me. Does that mean, she also loves me, when she sees clearly that I am not whole, when she sees that something is missing? My artificial leg is it covering up, at least.

I nearly jump, when those delicate hands of hers suddenly wander around my chest, while her body presses against my back and her lips against the nape of my neck.

I didn't notice that she opened the door and came in and I feel like she had caught me somehow.

"Have I ever told you, how much I hate it when you get up without me?" I chuckle nervously and hope that she didn't notice that I am not wearing the prosthetic.

"No, not yet." I tell her as if everything was normal, trying to hide the fact that I can't turn around, without her noticing it. "But you should get back to bed. It's still very early." "Yes, but all I want are only five minutes before we see each other in the evening again." She is kissing over my shoulder, while stroking my chest. I close my eyes and sigh happily, yet I desperately hope that tiredness will take over Katniss and she will go back to sleep.

"You aren't turning around, because of your leg, aren't you?" I gulp as she stills her kissing and stroking and I can see her looking stern, but also sad in the reflection of the mirror.

I nod quietly, looking over my shoulder to meet her eyes directly. "Why?" She asks, lowering her hands until they rest on her sides. "Katniss…" I sigh and close my eyes, feeling guilt creep up inside of me. "Yes. I listen." Again I sigh, shaking my head.

I feel her hand on mine, which is holding the tube with the ointment, stroking light circles over my skin, until I open my eyes. She is now standing beside me, pulling just lightly at my hand.

"Please, sit." She whispers and points to the bathtub where my artificial leg rests. I don't want to, but she quits me there, sitting next to me, still holding my hand.

We sit there in silence for some minutes and I am the one who breaks it: "I am just not feeling complete." I tell her. She looks at me, just like I do at her, while our eyes meet. "Why?" I point at my leg and the missing part of it, while I her eyes follow.

"I see nothing." She tells me quietly, when she looks back up again and I nod. "Yes. That's exactly the point. My leg is missing and-" "No." She interrupts me, laying a finger of her other hand on my lips. "You don't understand. I see nothing that should bother you. Your leg is missing, well, then let it be missing. And you are complete. You have everything I want. Remember? You are my boy with the bread." "But I feel disabled. Like I am not a real man."

She shakes her head and a slight smile crosses her features, before she lays a hand on my chin to pull me into a soft and caring kiss. "You aren't disabled, Peeta. You can walk like everybody else. You can run like everybody else. You can even stand like everybody else. And when I have taught you how to swim, you will swim like everybody else. And of course you are a real man. A man isn't classified by its leg, Peeta. But by his mind and his character. And for me, you are the best man, I could ever dream of. But I can't understand why you want me to see you in another way, than I do." She kisses me again and I feel myself relaxing.

Suddenly she stands up and kneels in front of me. I blush, suddenly noticing that I am still naked, although I am drier than before. But I also notice that she has the tube in her hands, which she must have pried out of hand during the kiss. In haste I grip a towel and lay it over my lap, while I watch her opening the tube. That's the moment when I notice that she is wearing my pajama shirt and I can't help the smile that crosses my features.

"How much do I have to use?" She asks, looking up to me, unsure of what to do. "Do you really want to treat me? You know that I can do it on my own." "Yes." She says firmly. "I want to. So, how much?" I tell her and she follows suit.

When she lays the tube next to the prosthetic, she brushes with a fingertip over the skin of the stump. "How does it feel?" I close my eyes, letting a stroke the skin there in soft circles. It relaxes me and the pain is already dimming by her touch. "It's good." I sigh happily and open my eyes again, to watch her as she spreads the ointment there. "Does this help against the pain?" I nod, unable to speak. "Does it hurt often?" "No. Only sometimes. When I too long on it, or if it isn't attached right." I tell her truthfully. She nods.

When she has finished she slowly reaches for the metallic device next to me. "Can I?" She asks carefully. "Yes."

I help her only with my words, since I know that she wouldn't like it in any other way. I know that she wants to do it on her own and so I let her, correcting her only a few times. And I trust her.

Then she stands up, holding a hand out for me, to help me up, too. I smile thankfully at her and I am glad that I didn't scare her away. Then I kiss her, thanking her for everything with it, holding with one hand the towel in front of me, while I let the other rest on her waist, pulling her even closer to me. She is returning it and I feel her smile against my lips. And suddenly I don't want to go to the bakery. I want to stay with Katniss all day. She always has this effect on me.

We pull back at the same time and when I close my eyes, I can see a seductive grin on her lips. Knowing this side of Katniss, which she learned some time ago, I know that this is a very good thing and I can't help the grin on my own features when she leans to my ear to whisper:

"You go now to work. After work: You, me, the bedroom and _no _prosthetic."

**_****  
So, that was the first chapter. Hope you liked it :D****  
I hope I will write the next one very soon, but I still have one last exam coming.****  
Until then: Enjoy. :D**


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